dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I supernannyed him into submission
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
