Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
