remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
