Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
