I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
