Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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