So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
