At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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