Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
