From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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