I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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