you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
