im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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