What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
