There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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