the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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