i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
