So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
