OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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