i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
