You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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