non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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