and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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