"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
