Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
