K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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