I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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