When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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