one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
