honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
