i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
