i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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