so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
