i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
