I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
