UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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