Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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