Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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