WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I supernannyed him into submission
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
