The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
