Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
