OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
