The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
