I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
