guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
