2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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