I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
