I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
