And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
