He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize