We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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