i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
